Manipulation and Dissension on Teams

Yesterday I wrote about how to manage differences. Today I am going to continue on that line. When I taught I noticed one of the things that frustrated students the most is when they were upset with each other and the teacher did not do a good job of listening to both sides. The students simply want to know their point was duly considered. It the same with everyone, how many times have you heard, “You are not listening to me.” Most likely you even said these words yourself. We know the person is hearing us. What we are really saying is, “I don’t believe you are not giving my thoughts due consideration.”

When people on a team feel like they are not being listened to several things can happen. They may shut down because they figure they are not really a part of the team, so they stop acting like a part of the team. They resort to subterfuge determining if people won’t listen then I will need to manipulate the process. They become disruptive feeling if I am not respected why respect the others. They start creating factions if one or two others who also feel disenfranchised. None of these situations are good nor are they easily identifiable.

When people feel they are being used they generally will start gaming the system. I remember one job I held for a number of years. Being a team member their meant taking it in the shorts all the time – of course it was for the team. Ever been on a “team” where you quickly learn some never feel the pain? Where it is you, or your division, that must make the cuts, do things quicker, take on the extra duty for the “team?” One of three things usually occurs. You become a doormat. You look for a way out of the “team.” You find legitimate sounding reasons to stop cooperating. Coming up with excuses like, “I would love to do that Amy, but I already promised Bob that I would _________. I have a medical appointment.

Great manipulators can be difficult to spot, and even if you catch them they can be difficult to stop. Here is why they know how to dissent and dodge in ways that appear reasonable and legitimate. They know how to drag their feet too, so it looks like they are trying to be diligent rather than hasty. The best way to handle this is to make sure it does not become a problem. This is done by showing respect towards all participants namely by listening, and making sure the group is paying attention to any minority. Beyond that it is important to keep people to the agenda; watch for those who appear to be manipulating the discussion; keep an eye on the hypercritical individuals, look out for groups monopolizing the discussion or consistently directing the discussion towards certain topics.